Sex Doesn’t Have to End in Orgasm

I have had clients in my coaching practice with concerns around lasting longer in bed. Sometimes the opposite is distressing, too; taking “too long.”

Of course orgasms feel delicious. They can be intense. They can last a long time. They can be fleeting and quick. They can be full-bodied or genitally centered. They can be single or multiple.

But what if we took orgasm off its “pedestal?” What if penetration,* be it PV (penis-vagina) or PA (penis-anus), weren’t the be-all, end-all? Who says that penetration, or even orgasm, is the end of play? As long as all parties consent to being there and are on the same page, keep going! Don’t have an erection? That’s okay! Fingers, hands, tongues, heck – even toys! – never go flaccid. You’re not dripping wet? Well, arousal and lubrication aren’t always tied together. There is no shame in adding lube if you want to keep going! In fact, I recommend it regardless.

If we take into account the pleasure our whole body is capable of, move the focus away from the more goal-oriented, orgasm seeking mindset, we take away some of the pressure to perform. We are more able to be in the moment and be fully present. Consider also, taking pleasure out of your partner’s pleasure. How hot would that be?

Don’t forget to breathe!

You are only limited by your creativity.

Sex doesn't have to end with penetration or orgasm.

*I also mean strap-on play. And pretty much any sort of sex that is “default.”

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