January 3, 2017
Night three of an extended practice is around where I start to find some resistance. This usually means there’s some good learning to be had, if I just trust the process. I didn’t have much of an agenda, or any direction I wanted to go in tonight which can feel frustrating. In addition to this, while I felt a little playful, I didn’t have much of an erotic inclination. I put on my playlist and was simply grateful that I showed up for the practice. Oh, and did I mention that it’s cold? So I didn’t really want to get undressed.
I sat for a bit with my feet touching, swaying to the music. I had a kind of light bulb moment. It occurred to me that I hadn’t done a mirror exercise in a while. I think the last time I did it was in May during my Masturbation May 30-Day OY challenge. Without going into too much detail, I found myself having to hold quite a lot of compassion for myself in this exercise. This is absolutely not body shaming or fat shaming, but noticing my body.
I highly recommend doing a genital (as well as full body) mirror exercise at least once a year, especially if you are a person with a vulva. It’s super confronting and not always easy to do – both physically and emotionally, but it is empowering to look at your bits particularly if you do not have easy daily access to viewing them.
One of my favorite things when I do a mirror exercise is to really spend time looking at my vulva and (with some lube) spend time exploring. Hopefully arousal builds. I find it fascinating to watch the colors change as the blood rushes to the area. That’s super cool.
So, even though some of the time I was starting to feel a little self-pity, I managed to turn it around. I acknowledged how much I am able to feel and that is crucial. I am able to generate arousal just from the sensations my body can experience. It’s a gift. I feel grateful that I could turn what may have been a horrible, negative spiral into a more positive spin.
If you have any encouraging things to say to help me stay motivated, or suggestions of intentions to focus on, please let me know in the comments!