Anal Play: Butt Sex Basics

Girl thinking in bed

What is your first reaction when you think of Anal Sex?

Despite still being considered taboo by many, anal sex is becoming quite a common sexual activity. It’s becoming quite popular in mainstream porn. Anal play is still surrounded by some negativity and misconceptions. It’s not unusual for straight men to be concerned that any interest in engaging in the receiving side of anal pleasure, let alone actually doing it, would “make them gay.” But as a matter of fact, more straight couples than gay couples currently engage in anal sex. The only thing that “makes” a person gay is their own self-identification.

Getting into anal play takes some mental work. In a way, it’s kind of an acquired taste. It’s pretty common for people to try it out with little information ahead of time and then write it off as “not for them” because it was a negative experience. You’re not alone!

Unfortunately, unlike PV (penis-vagina penetration) anal sex takes a bit of know-how. Anal sex is riskier than PV. The lining inside the rectum is thinner than that inside the vagina and does not self lubricate. As such, it is imperative to use some kind of lube when you start to play with the booty. Some of the best recommendations of lube for anal play are silicone varieties such as Uberlube and Sliquid Silver. Silicone lube is often recommended because it is condom friendly, and it lasts much longer than water-based lube.

Sliquid Silver and Sassy

[My suggestion is: Get over to your local Adult Store and sample the different brands! And don’t be afraid to ask the sales clerks; if they give you any flack or attitude get out of there and find a higher quality store.]

Back to lubes: While silicone is a great suggestion, not everyone likes the feel of it. Not everyone wants to shell out beaucoups bucks for it. Understandable. You can, of course use water-based lubes for anal play. They’re condom compatible, obviously, which is a major bonus. I recommend ones that are gel varieties such as Sliquid Sassy, which will provide a bit more cushion compared to water-based lubes that are more liquidy.

The number one rule for anal play, whether partnered or solo, is: Go Slow!

The second rule: Listen to your body! There is a difference between uncomfortable because it’s new and ouch-that-hurts-make-it-stop. On a very serious note: You really should not be inebriated when you start playing. Getting drunk or high or whatever, dulls your nerves. I acknowledge the difference between one drink to take the edge off, but you need to be coherent because…..

Rule number three: Warm up! Just like you might stretch before a workout, unless you’re quite advanced with anal, you’re going to want to ease into it, and work your way up.

Rule four: Communication is paramount when you are exploring anal with a partner. And if you’ve been drinking you might not realize that you’re in actual pain and need to slow down or stop. Or you may have lost some of your verbal capabilities to let your partner know something needs to change. A position so that you can still see facial expressions is a bonus when possible. (Think: receiver on their back as in the missionary position.)

Some people are fine with just using fingers (and lube!), but for other people fingers are pokey and have jarring angles (and calluses and nails! yikes!). If you’re not quite ready to invest in toys for your booty, you might just get some latex or nitrile gloves (like medical exam gloves, which you can pick up at any drugstore) to make it smoother.

If you’re ready to make the leap to toys, I again, recommend going to your local high quality sex toy store and chatting with the staff. I realize that some products can get pricey, but it’s this sexologist’s opinion that you need to invest in the best. You don’t want to save some money and have just a mediocre experience, or even a “bad” experience. I suggest for first timers, to try high quality silicone toys which can be easily cleaned and sanitized. And remember that you can always pop a condom over a toy to make clean up even easier. Make sure to get toys that have a flared base!You do not want to deal with the worry and anxiety that comes with an ER visit where you tell your doctor that you “slipped” and landed just so – butt first. Seriously. Flared base.

When and if you get more advanced and if you should so choose, you might experiment with different sized butt plugs and anal beads. You could also check out the different materials such as stainless steel – quite weighty, but very easy to sanitize, or glass – weighty and with easy clean up, and sometimes with interesting features like bumps and ridges.

For people with a prostate: there are some awesome toys by Aneros which were designed for you. (I admit, I’m a little envious.)

Some of you, while intrigued, might be hesitant because you’re concerned about cleanliness. Makes sense. For most people just regular showering and washing of the area should be enough. And to be honest, if you’re going to engage in butt play, sometimes shit happens. Just have baby wipes and towels nearby – no big deal.

So, to review: When you’re starting off with anal play make sure to Go Slow, Listen to your body, Warm up, and Communicate! And most important of all, have fun! 

5 Comments

  1. Jtrainer

    “seriuosly. flared base.” I laughed, amazing. I love your style, very easy going which is important when talking about a subject as touchy as anal. Good job 🙂
    When starting up with the actual penetration I always find it easiest to do the ‘give an inch, take an inch’, and pull out several times. It lets your sphincter know what’s going on and gives it a chance to relax (as well as gives you a chance to apply a little more lube… which you will have to. always).
    Great piece!

    Reply
    1. Victoria

      Thanks for reading!

      Reply
      1. Harsh

        It is a fabulous write up.I wish my Girl friend read it as she wants to use me anally with her huge strap on specially bought for me

        Reply
        1. Victoria

          Please do share this with her. Remember to go slowly and communicate. You don’t have to do it all at once.

          Reply
  2. maryann660ac

    definitely need lube butt play and if man is very large size

    Reply

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